No Use for Semicolon Since Advent of Emojis

The semicolon, invented in 2007 for the express purpose of creating a winking smiley when one wanted to convey subtle humor, is now going to be retired from the computer keyboard and common use.

Peter Sanzten, spokesperson for the Committee of Retiring Old and Unused Punctuation (CROUP), said the decision was no-brainer.

“There is absolutely no longer any use for the semicolon now that emojis have taken over the tone sector of the written word,” he said in a statement Monday. “It made a great winky face while smileys lasted, but now it is unused and forgotten. It’s time to take it off the keyboard and use that valuable space for some more often-used mark, like the poop emoji.”

Texters, Emailers, Facebook users, commenters and Tweeters are thrilled about the announcement. “i am so happy they are *finally* getting, with the program,” byeyou_jj603 said in a tweet recently. “i just hope they also take, off the colon, hyphen, apostrophe and those annoying little ‘.’ things & the shift key, just really uses up space”

When asked what the shift key should be replaced by, they said, “well prbly something like a comma that randomly, goes where its not supposed to that would really, save me brain powr”