Homeschooled Teen Hacks Huffington Post
It was 4:35 AM when homeschooled teen, computer geek, and aspiring theologian John Grant - sitting in his bedroom, on his swivel chair, in front of a table with four large computer screens in front of him – let out a yell of joy. He took a sip of what must have been his seventh cup of coffee that night and cackled evilly as he realized what he had just done. After an entire night of effort, he had successfully hacked into the Huffington Post website. Exhausted, but too wired to sleep, he looked with glee at the website databases in front of him. Without further ado, he got straight to work, resigned to the fact that he would not be getting any sleep anytime soon.
Two hours later, ardent progressives across America woke up from their slumber, ready for another day of bashing intolerant anti-intellectual patriarchal bigots. One by one they visited the Huffington post, eager to find some new content that would encourage them to get through another day. One can only imagine their chagrin when they saw what John had done. All the regular content was removed, and large, red text took up the page, saying “We at the Huffington post profusely apologize for the vitriolic, biased, bigoted content we have put out, replete with unjustifiable strawmen and caricatures of the positions we oppose. We apologize for spewing forth such filth for the whole world to read. We apologize for condoning the murder of over 75 million innocent infants, encouraging people to change their gender and mutilate their own bodies, and supporting all manner of abominations. As restitution, this site has been taken down permanently.”
“The Huffington post is being discontinued, and in two days Donald Trump becomes president!” sobbed a college student in an interview. “This is the end. I can’t even …”
"It’s over. The bigots have won” said Hillary Clinton in a press release earlier this morning.
At publishing time, all the liberal progressives of North America had decided to move to the moon.
