Sn*w Hits Southern Manitoba; Manitobans Utterly in Denial
The thing that Manitoba is so infamous for finally happened. It sn*wed.
Now, you have to understand one thing: a great deal of manitobans hate sn*w. So much so, that editors at the Winnipagan have had to censor their usage of the word, lest they get the sn*w-hating manitobans all upset.
Weather forecasters have not had it easy, as theirs is the responsibility to break the bad news of sn*w to the people of Manitoba before it happens, "We had initially predicted rain, even though we knew that the cold front would cause the temps to plunge well below zero - all because we knew what a mutiny we would get if we did otherwise." lamented meteorologist John Steward. "Yesterday, when we finally admitted in our forecast that it was going to sn*w, our offices were surrunded by an angry mob until well after midnight - but it should be noted that as soon as the sn*w started, they left the premises like a bunch of whipped puppies."
It is not just the weather forecasters who have been getting persecuted because of this. Indeed, sn*w-lovers across the region, despite being thrilled at the arrival of sn*w, are a persecuted minority who are, in some cases, fearing for their lives.
Such is the case with a local seven year old boy - who, upon excitedly yelling "Mommy! Look! It's snowing hard!" was promptly dragged into the kitchen, where he was administered a liberal dose of hot sauce for having the audacity to utter such a profanity.
At publishing time, the Winnipagan has discovered that another five to eight inches of "the white stuff" (which seems to be the politically correct thing to call it now) are expected to fall tonight, and another four to six tomorrow.
