Local Homeschooler Denies Literal 6-Day Creation
In what is sure to be considered the ultimate denial of God's Word and the ultimate expression of rebellion against everything good and holy, a local homeschooler has taken to denying a literal six-day creation.
"All my life, I've been dogmatically taught that those first few chapters of Genesis must be interpreted to mean a literal six-day creation - if you dare believe anything else, you are basically regarded as no better than an atheist", 17-year old Matt Johnson said in an interview. "It's time to put a stop to that kind of legalism."
Johnson's parents were highly disconsolate when interviewed. "My son ... I don't get it .... We trained him up in the way he should go, and now he has departed from it!", his mother sobbed.
His father added "I don't know what we did wrong. I mean - we taught him well. Very well."
Prominent Progressive Creationist Hugh Ross was thrilled upon hearing the news. "It's time that these fundamentalists start realizing that you don't have to take the first chapters of Genesis literally to be saved. The Bible does not say "Believe that the first few chapters of Genesis are literal, and thou shalt be saved", but rather "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ". I'm glad this young person has the audacity to speak out against this legalism".
When asked what he actually believed, Johnson declined to comment, noting that his parents "need some time to get over this shock before they get another".
